If you’re going to the opening weekend of Coachella, you need to be prepared. Here are some tips to help you get the best experience . . .
- If someone hands you something, drink it, smoke it, or huff it. It’ll help you through all those no-name bands nobody cares about.
- Bring water. Ecstasy can be dehydrating.
- Be sure to recycle, just like Coachella does from Lollapalooza, Bonnaroo, and South by Southwest.
- Since it’s impossible to see all the bands, skip the ones with the pan-flute. After all, there is only one master.
- Be sure to charge your cell phone, so you can reinforce the fact you’re a narcissistic d-bag who’s only there to take a crap-load of selfies.
- It’s still hilarious to yell “Freebird!”